Stunned

It is a jolt to the system to have this happen. To elect Trump. It is inconceivable. It feels like a punch in the face. 

I had to go outside, run the mower, feel the vibrations in my hands and sing U2 songs. I don’t know why U2, but that is what came out of my mouth, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. She moves in mysterious ways.

I am not apologizing for feeling strength and having hope. I see people doing that. I had hope and felt strength because I saw it all around me. A lot of people doing great work. It was real.

We actually did good in Oregon. 

Nov 5th afternoon, early afternoon: “I love your hat!” the college student said, “I’m feeling so nervous!” “I’m feeling strong,” I told her her with a posture of strength- modeling confidence. I had to. We need such models- I think especially women, especially now. Later in the day I stay strong but the worry texts start coming in. I start to feel uncomfortable- I simply can’t imagine defeat. To this guy. Please, we can’t do 2016 again.

November 5th early evening: UGH UGH UGH getting lots of messages from sad freaked out people.

November 4th, day before: I talked to a grocery checker about a former president imitating a sex act on a microphone. She brought it up. We were having a generic conversation about the election (I was wearing my Harris Walz camo hat) and I wasn’t sure if we were on the same page with all of our oh yes geez hmmppphh sounds and so I said, uh what do you see as our best outcome here? And she said matter of factly, “get rid of Trump, for starters!” And then we were off on a rousing run of boisterous political conversation. There was no one else in line so we had the time and space to get into it. 

I'm pretty stunned like a bird who hit a window.

Not sure what to do yet. Getting lots of calls and texts from upset and shocked friends. 

I dunno maybe it's time to get back into more paddle boarding and hanging out in marshes writing haikus. 

I'll still stay engaged with Oregon dems as they are good people. 

I'm sorry it's this way. I tried. Everyone I know did. 

Hey, once we pick ourselves up off the floor, let's meet up.

[All photos from today’s walk to campus]